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Moving On and Getting Over a Past Relationship


For most people who have just undergone a major breakup, there are things that they take for granted. They expect that after the split, the pain will just lessen… it will slowly fade into oblivion. Wishful thinking… They are so mindful of the hurt they feel that they tend to bury the pain underneath thinking that it will just go with time. They forget to consider that there is a need for healing, a need to heal all wounds inflicted by that previous relationship. Without really intending to, they unknowingly do things counterproductive to the healing process. So when they think that they have finally put the past behind them, they are painfully reminded of that love. Then they will realize that they have not really gotten over that past relationship… they are still carrying a torch for a past love.

There are some issues that need to be addressed in order to allow the healing process to take place. First is acceptance. You need to face up to the painful truth that it is over between the two of you. This is necessary for the healing process to begin.

Second is adjusting to being on your own and not as part of a couple. This is quite hard since you have gotten used to being the other half of a couple wherein your plans, dreams, aspirations and even happiness revolved around that relationship. You need to go back being yourself before that relationship. There will be that feeling of alienation, of not being used to your old self. But you have no choice. You have to get used to being back on your own. You can cry for your loss, write and talk about it. But do not forget to start renewing past connections. Go out and socialize. Refrain from drinking, eating and doing drugs. While trying to get back into the mainstream, go into a reassessment of your situation. Write down what you thought was wrong in that broken relationship. Write down what you think you need for future relationships. These actions will be forward looking. There’s no need to keep harping on the past. Now, with all the energy that you can summon, lavish yourself with affection.

Third is learning to smile again. Learn to look for what is beautiful in your life. Time will come when you can only smile upon being reminded of that past relationship. There will be unguarded moments when you will be bombarded by lonely thoughts.  Take this in stride. Surround yourself with things and people that make you feel like smiling.

Fourth is liberating yourself from all negative thoughts and feelings. Finally you are back to being yourself – maybe not exactly your former self… more of the self that has evolved from that past experience  and has grown stronger from lessons learned.

The fifth and final phase is being the mature person that you have become. Now, you have a better grasp of what it takes to make a relationship work… and what relationship works best for you. Finally, you have learned to appreciate yourself and integrate what you expect from a relationship with what you can offer in case of a new person coming into your life.

It is your time now to give yourself a pat on the back, and congratulate yourself for having risen from the lowest depths that you have been through.  Remember to praise yourself for being a survivor knowing that no amount of pressure will ever get you down.



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